I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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