You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
