i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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