I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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