Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
