Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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