Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
