First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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