I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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