it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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