I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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