All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
