so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
