Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
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Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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