last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
