I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
