we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
