I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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