ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he fucked my hip out of place.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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