Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
