Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
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Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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