tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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