I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
