I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
