fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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