As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
