I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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