Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
