He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
