My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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