That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
