i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
