How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
