we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
