i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
