Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
