well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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