Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
