my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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