I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
