My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
