Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize