but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
