You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
