you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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