Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
