This is not my ceiling
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
