I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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