i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
