my vag is so smooth its legendary
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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