Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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