i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
