Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
