Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
