I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
