it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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