i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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