I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
