So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
