Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
