Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
