dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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