i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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