id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
