whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize