You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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