It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
