Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
