apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
