I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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