i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
