We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
