I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This baby is an asshole
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
