Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
