Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My legs feel like baby dolphins
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
