I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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