Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
People in love make me want to vomit
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
