Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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