just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
