He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
