you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
