I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
