Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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